I am the mother of a 15 month old boy. I am also a daughter. A daughter to my earthly Dad and Mom, but also to my Heavenly Father. I can't say, through my younger years, that I was the best daughter, to anyone. I think I spent most of my time figuring out how to best piss my mom off, get my Dad's attention (good or bad), and testing God's patients and love for me.
I also never really thought too much about being a mom. I think, for some reason, I assumed I would probably never have children so it was best not to think about it and never be disappointed. Maybe it was for this reason that I never really tried to put myself in my mom's shoes. I would like to think, though, that through the last few years I have been gaining an appreciation for the love, patients and guidance they have shown me. Also for the hell I have probably put them through.
As a mom, you see the world through very different eyes. I am convinced this new found sight begins in pregnancy. You now have, living inside you, another life, anther human. It is you, but not you. It will be, as the saying goes, "Your heart walking around outside of you". For now it is still inside, but this is the beginning of your journey in getting to know it. Pregnancy shows you where your heart and your priorities lie.
I think most mom's I have talked to could share in saying that at some point in pregnancy they began to fear for, or want to protect their unborn child more then themselves. Their concern is more for this baby then anything else. It's future, life, health and joy. For many this could be their first instance of true self-sacrificial love, or true love. I think it was at this time that I got my first glimpse of the concern that my mom had always showed about the things I did. It really wasn't just because she was trying to "kill all the fun" or "ruin my life". It really was because she had this incredible love for me and would rather I be insanely mad at her then see me hurt or making the wrong choices.
As a mom, this self-sacrifice ends up extending into every area of your life. It begins with sharing your body and branches from there into every other aspect of your existence. From sleep, to your marriage, to the food you eat and even the friends you have. I never really understood or appreciated the sacrifice that my mom made in her personal life to stay at home and not only raise me but homeschool me too! If finally hit me: it wasn't easy, she gave up so much of herself for me, and I threw it back in her face...
You know what the amazing part of all of this is? She still loves me. That is a mother's amazing love. This love comes straight from God, it is the same way He loves us. And guess what? I did the same thing to Him...
God says that children are a blessing. I think that part of that blessing is in gaining an understanding of God's love for us, more and more as our children grow. Sometimes God disciplines, sometimes He is silent, sometimes He lets us deal with our own mess and sometimes He says "No". Not because He has forgotten us or has no interest, but because He loves us more than anything else, He even gave His life for us. As children, we often don't understand the love of our parents, but as mother's we start to get a glimpse of what True Love looks like.
Thank you, Mom, for showing me God's love. I pray that I can have the strength and wisdom to the same.
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